Buddhist insights into coping with Divorce

Buddhism is a spiritual belief that focuses on personal spiritual development and deep insight into the true nature of life. For example, Buddha would apply the wisdom of Anicca to maintain a sense of calm and perspective through the grief and end of divorce. Remembering that nothing in life is permanent; don't lose yourself in what feels like an eternal experience of pain and discomfort.


Divorce is associated with negativity and a sense of loss of integrity. When a marriage ends, these emotional states surface without awareness—learning to manage and transit with integrity and a sense of self.
Many are turning to Buddha's teachings to help them transition from a painful life into a learning process and make life better for themself.

Buddha's teachings of Buddhism derived from the young prince Siddhartha's disillusionment. The presence of the pain and suffering in the world destroyed the perfect world image that his father had imparted on him. It's the same as the illusion we create for ourselves that marriage is a happily ever after.

"Pain is inevitable in life, but suffering is optional." —The Buddha



Buddhist teachings that may help reduce your suffering.

Attachments

When divorce hits, the past, present, and future of our actions all come into life.  In the face of doubtfulness and dilemma, you are drive to grip on what you know and what you had.  In Buddha's teaching, by gripping on to those attachments, you're creating suffering for yourself. Whether it's past, present, or future, learn to release and let go of that attachment that will lead you to a more peaceful existence. Control and act on the thing that may invoke your feeling of frustration; when you grasp and cling to what you think you "know," you are creating unnecessary suffering.

Compassion

It is challenging to have compassion for someone we dislike or who has mistreated us in some way. While the tendency might be to avoid this person (most likely an ex), Buddha would see this person like the heart of his spiritual practice, challenging to develop positive qualities. Compassion is the flip side of anger; it keeps the heart open when it wants to close off with fear. Compassion is fostered by remaining connected, no matter how painful it may be. Maintaining compassion through a divorce is an achievement, but it will ensure that your loving nature remains intact.

Karma

The law of karma is the universal principle of actions and reactions or causes and effects. Your daily actions are the cause of your suffering or happiness. Do not look for answers outside of yourself, nor should you believe that you are a victim of a random universe. You may feel that you're the victim of your divorce; Karma is your key to taking responsibility for what comes in and out of your world. The word karma means "action" or "deed"—actions and deeds that impact only you and the time you inhabit on this earth. When taking responsibility for your action, you're changing your karma and ultimately present and future circumstances.


Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the ability to live in the present moment and be aware of the intention behind what we do. When we are not mindful, we remain in a state of being obstructed, which needs to be corrected. Mindfulness helps you respond and gain perspective, balance, and freedom. Stepping back and observing events provides the most significant opportunity for acting with complete integrity and honor.

Aversion

The fundamental teachings of the Buddha are that pain is an inevitable part of the physical world, and suffering is our reaction to the unavoidable pain in our life. Divorce is one of the unavoidable pain experiences, but it should not be suffering. Divorce is one of those unavoidably painful life experiences, but it doesn't have to involve suffering. Like touching a hot stove, our first reaction to pain is to move away. Our aversion to the pain creates more suffering and reduces the opportunity to heal. Suffering is directly related to resisting the reality of what you are dealing with. Instead, the Buddha would suggest doing what you can to restore balance, to let things take their course. Complete avoidance will only prolong the pain.

Impermanence

In Buddhism, impermanence (Buddha's three marks of existence, three conditions that characterize all of life, and are always present) is referred to as an Anicca(unstable) — the truth of impermanence. It is the belief that all of our experiences are constantly changing and that nothing is permanent. For example, one of the most significant causes of pain during divorce is that things will never be the same and that what you feel now will last forever. Therefore, Buddha would apply the enlightenment of Anicca to maintain a sense of calm and perspective through the grief and loss of divorce. Remembering that nothing in life is permanent, don't let it make you feel bogged down or lose yourself in what feels like an eternal experience of pain and discomfort.

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