DEALING WITH SPOUSE'S EX

dealing with marriage
DEALING WITH SPOUSE'S EX

Being a stepparent is primarily about accepting new changes.  To be a successful stepparent, you must focus on your spouse and your marriage instead of trying to be friends with your spouse's ex, believing that by doing so, your life will be nonviolent. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Remember that second marriage has a higher chance of divorce; therefore, to make your second marriage work, first, you will have to set boundaries and expectations with your spouse and their ex.

You must understand that divorce doesn't conclude or discontinue the interaction with the exes, especially when children are involved. Consequently, you have to set your boundaries and expectation at the beginning of the relationship. If you don't settle it early, don't expect it to be pretty later on.

So, when and how do we begin? First, do not expect your second marriage to be like your first; you will have rivalries between exes and stepchildren. Therefore, you and your new spouse will need a unique set of skills to control the terrain.

First, boundaries and disengagement - if you and your spouse's ex became friends, do not share your personal lives other than information that may impact the children. Do not let them lean on you for emotional support or vent a problem in the new relationship.

Second, either you are a friend or not with the ex, view it as a business relationship instead of a personal one—narrow your communications straight to the point.

Third, the time and consistency of new changes will help your marriage and your mental stage.
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